i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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