shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
