Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
