he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
now i know why i became what i already was.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
