My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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