I'm jealous of your bromance
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
