yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize