some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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