hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
did you just send me my own nude
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
