I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
