i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
