your thong is hanging out like whoa
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Randomize
