Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
