there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
