So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
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he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
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Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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