Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
