the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
