I love black thongs
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
