It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
