I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
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I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
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I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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