Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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