New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
