The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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