Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
