standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
