you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I need to calm my uterus...
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize