Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
