It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
