Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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