He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
