Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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