Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
