Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
