My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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