Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
