unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
