I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
