We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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