pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
