let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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