Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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