Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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