it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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