marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
