I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
