xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
