We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
