I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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