i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
