I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
