Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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