It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize