I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
