DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
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I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
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He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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