dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
