also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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