what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
40s are totally the cure
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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