You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
