I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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